In the event that another person needs to use my workstation in my absence, I created an Acceptable Use Policy (AUP) - you know, that text before the logon that's just a boring lump of text without any formatting that no one ever reads - that our organization (and probably every other organization) should use.. it's just that comprehensive.
Welcome to the Acceptable Use Policy for this computer. Here are a few guidelines to ensure that your time on this machine is productive, efficient, and most importantly, entertaining.
- Don't attempt to hack into the system. We've already hired some of the world's most notorious hackers to do that for us.
- If you find yourself falling asleep at the computer, please make sure to drool on the keyboard. Our cleaning staff loves the extra work.
- Do not, under any circumstances, feed the computer after midnight. We learned that lesson the hard way.
- If you must download questionable content, please do so in the privacy of your own home. We don't want to be responsible for any awkward conversations with your significant other.
- Please refrain from using profanity while using the computer. Unless, of course, you're playing an online game and getting repeatedly destroyed by a 12-year-old.
- If the computer starts smoking or making strange noises, please remain calm and notify IT immediately. They love nothing more than a good fire drill.
- Remember, this computer is not a toy. Unless, of course, you're really good at Minesweeper. Then go crazy.
Thank you for abiding by these guidelines. Now, go forth and conquer the digital world (or at least your inbox).